Readjustment

After returning from the U.S. for a brief holiday visit with my family, I am struggling through a readjustment period I didn’t expect. I was so indescribably happy to see my family that Swaziland took a backseat in my mind (at least I tried to make it that way). I wanted to melt away into the chaos that remains to be my family at Christmas time. But, after a week, I had to repack my bags and trudge back to the airport at 4:30am.

My trip to Colorado was a much needed mental break from the many frustrations in my work (I guess attempted work is more accurate) but also a reminder of the many people/things/ideas I miss while in Swaziland. Among these include my family, friends, holding babies, watching my crazy little cousins run around, hugging my Mom, talking politics with my Dad, listening to my sister play violin and piano, riding in cars, quality beef, chips and salsa, market-driven economy, snow, indoor heating, sushi, my full closet of clothing, showers, my huge bed with fluffy pillows and flannel sheets, the wonderful world of Mexican food, good wine, eating a variety of food, clean (I mean really clean) underwear, the list could continue forever…

And, with this unfortunate readjustment period, I am also realizing what I did not miss about my current host country: relentless apathy, persistent Swazi men (frequently drunk) who insist that they pay dowry for me, maize, children asking for money and candy, adults asking for “capital” or money, khombis, Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’ song, bad techno music, feeling grimy, not being able to sleep in past 7am without someone knocking on my door, loud-mouth roosters, chicken crap at my door, lightning that blows out my electricity for days, constantly being compared to the volunteer I replaced, this list could also continue forever…

As each day passes, I am searching for the things I did miss. The list is short but includes fellow volunteers, my host family, the kids from next door knocking on my door saying “Sicela kubhala?” (“May we write/draw?”), running along the quiet dirt roads, cooking in my hut, having endless hours to read, meeting new people, the hike to Mankayane (such a great workout!), cute babies staring at my white skin…

Without a doubt, my life in Swaziland is a challenge. A challenge to be away from the things I love, the people I love, the environment that has supported me for the past 23 years. A challenge to work through the lack of motivation around me and then confront apathy, lack of education, lack of resources, and language/cultural barriers. But, if I leave in 6 months, 1 year, or 18 months, I will hope to have educated at least one individual on HIV/AIDS and at least one more individual on the importance of development. At this point, it’s the only way to keep going every day—the knowledge that I can educate someone to protect themselves, care for others, and keep working towards a better future.